i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
