Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
