the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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