I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
