I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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