i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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