I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
