also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
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i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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