So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
