I just saw a hot homeless man
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
