maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
