too bad you live with your parents still
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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