bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
