he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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