i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
