It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
