what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
