haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
