He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
