First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
