ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
