Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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