You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
