I CAN MOONWALK!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
