when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
