Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
