Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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