i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
