last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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