Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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