pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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