I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
