Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
