i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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