Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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