if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
