I just cut my nipple shaving
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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