I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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