the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
