im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
