omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
