He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
