My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
