i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
accomplished twins. life is a go
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
