literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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