I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just had sex bonerless
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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