I met the friendliest cop last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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