Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
