East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
