he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
