you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
