I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
