I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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