Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
