She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
