Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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