Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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