i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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