we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
