So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
