Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Randomize
