dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
